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I have feelings like everyday someone is stabbing me in the back everyday. The pain is so unbearable when I wake up and I feel like I can hardly move. I keep waiting for something to change and to be treated like a human being. Seems my friends can accomplish there goals all cause they have a job and money to save to leave this dreadful country behind. I wish I had that opportunity to immigrate to another country but without my degree that chance may never happen.

I need somewhere to live in Chicago and I don’t know whom will let me move in for nine months and where I will come up with the needed money to find a safe shelter. I am frustrated that the court wasted all this time for me to get a default judgment and still have to go back there and deal with more. The date was cancelled on me all cause a person can’t appear for a return date and top off at the airline trip from Seattle to Chicago was horrible. I put up more abuse from my father who is self conceited. He doesn’t understand the situation I face and how hard it is to put up with this cruel world.

A father whom doesn’t support my decision to get a degree throw me out to fend for myself before I even graduate high school. The pain goes through me and reminds me how useless I feel. People judge me cause I can’t make money and when I want to go do one thing I am further hurt for asking for help. Why is is so hard to let someone have some fun and let them ride a motorcycle I ain’t going to live forever. I wish there was a kind soul that would be there to help me. If there is one out there to do such please let me know.

Adios for today.

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I feel like the road to nowhere as I walk around trying to find something to do. If its not the weather that’s desk and gloomy it my inner self. I feel helpless at the ability to change this situation I have been placed in and want a real life. If I can’t have my degree then what good is finding a job that I can make a decent living off of. I am worried that I will be stuck with all these loans and unable to finish one goal in my life.

It is never fun when you watch people have fun and your trying to join in but can’t afford it cause you haven’t a job. I look at everyone on there motorcycles dreaming of a dream that I could be riding once again. I look into those people who are so cruel to help another person get back on their feet we have all been in hard times. I have given so much to people when I could and now when I struggle there is no one there for me. I would do anything to have a chance to make a difference and live life.

I hope I get a new motorcycle so I can get around and not feel so trapped In this crap. People don’t think how much a vehicle is important to people. I at least think practically when it comes to saving the most I can is there anyone willing to help?

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Why is it so hard to get a job anywhere in the United States? It makes me disgusted that when I try to give to others I am unable to get some help in life. Why should it be so hard to get a working vehicle? If I had a chance to make a difference then I wouldn’t be sitting here crying to pieces as I am so defeated.

I keep applying to jobs and employers seem more flakey than ever. I hate this recession we are in I never have had such a hard time finding a job until four years ago and I feel so let down. I can’t have a job that is not in walking distance or by bus so that limits so many options. Seems to have a job your in need of a reliable vehicle or in a city where transit doesn’t stop on the weekends or you can not get around. Then the ironic part to have a job you need a car which then you need money to buy a car so where is the middle ground?

Is there any miracle on earth that I can be a part of cause it seems that I don’t have a helping hand to change that. I can’t even finish my degree to help me get an equal footing for a job I just can’t take the pain anymore. I wish I could leave the United States behind and begin a new life in Europe. My heart is not here nor is my mind its so hard to feel like a useless piece of crap that I get treated like and living so poorly cause the social security system is the biggest joke there is. When one who is disabled cant change there situation as there paid so little why blame them?