I don’t want to live anymore without the confinement or luxuries inmates have. I and to the point I will so anything to get inside i really shy want a record but desperation for the ho that works is what matters. People think that they know the best intentions and that God is the greatist. I write this out of pure wanting of help and security. I need someone to please secure me into a prison cell for real this is not healthy to be free. If I was a German or European citizen my dream could come true unlike the people here in the United States and Craig’slist who call me nuts and a mental freak. Only one who really is a freak are the ones who constantly flag my posts. If only people could learn to read what I go through and learn to understand the massive benefits it would do to my life. Once again i plead for my prison / jail cell confinement. It’s not that hard people to make this a reality i could have several months with some help if there are no police departments that wish to help. Only one i can go for long term is in Germany and hard to get anyone but one person who could contributes as best he can. I want help. I’m 27 years old male living in Tacoma area. If your here to help do as I ask or ill gladly take donations to the therapy that helps me the most. Getting cuffed chained told what to do offers a security even if you thing most don’t like it. It works different from me. I don’t believe in a God who made me live a life of hell. There is no God as suffering wouldn’t exist and certainy no pain. But reality is ADHD people like me with PTSD need the solitude. So please help im begging. I will share this link to anyone who feels they care to read my blog and learn about me or how to donate to my trip to Germany.
Work was so exhausting and I haven’t felt this burnt out for a long time. Usually I can handle these security shifts. This song is on mind Second Chance by 38 Special. Why can’t I forget about the hurt the pain the suffering of rape the suffering of my childhood and having to cope with the PTSD. I can’t even get the proper medical care. I feel so useless I suffer through extreme pain. The day at work was one of my most embarrassing shifts things i could do fine turned to disaster i was not prepared at all i literally spaced out on timing to take breaks for others. People took advantage of me during the shift. I worried that things are falling apart with getting help i need. I might have a job when i get back frin Germany. I can hope I’ll be broke barely living no one donates to my fund accept one person who has helped as much As he can.
I fucking hate how my life is. I can never get the help I need to make ends meet. I want to personally tell everyone about the arrogant asshole that I used to work for named Mike Toursal who owns Eagle Leather in both Auburn and Lakewood Washington. Forewarning to avoid this shit hole business as they get away with being discriminatory stole nearly 1509 dollars of benefits in unemployment with lies. All cause they got money and the poor person suffers for it. Fuck the United States of America and the state of Washington. Your the reason why I am fucking dying and living in shit. Your fucking government is so corrupted and there is not the help I need to survive. I suffer while the rich prosper and you steal of me everyday. I fucking wish I was never even born here in this country.
I cant live on 778 dollars a month then also loose all my unemployment benefits. The Washington Office of Administrative Hearings is a fraud as is half this fucking useless government. I wish i could be locked up for good and in a prison cell safe secure and not stuck like this.
I am in need of ankle monitoring to help with personal issues and am trying to raise donations. Its going to cost me 405 dollars a month and I really need to get back on it ASAP. I can not be living without this security item in my life. I felt so much better when I wore the SCRAM GPS Gen 5 ankle monitor. It was comfortable made me more sane and now I don’t have one. I honestly could use any help I can get for donations. No one has a jail cell for me which remains to be the necessity in my life.
Tears of pain run down my face and I am constantly having panic attacks to the point it feels like im dead. I can not stand this suffering anymore and all I want is a lifetime behind bars and to enjoy the happiness that comes along with it. I can not afford the therapy that I need and I have been begging for this for a long time. If there anyone out there that can help me get this for a lifetime or has a cell please out there help. I am going to need more then a few days in a cell in Germany. I can not handle the constant rejection of me as a person. No one understands me and everyday my emotions are played with by the general community. Imagine waking up feeling unsafe because you can not be locked down. Why make fun of someone who needs something so simple. I never hurt anyone and feel so trapped and pushed aside all because I live with HIV, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and other ailments. My body is so worn out that it can not even function in a basic sense.
I wake up everyday and sometimes can not even get out of bed. I can not even function at work or finish my schoolwork as well as I should because my ADHD is just off the charts. I suffer from the inability to make friends to establish healthy relationships. I go back to the first time I was locked in a cell and the feelings of happiness I get from that simplicity. I wish someone would lock me in solitary confinement and throw the key away and leave me to die in peace.
This song version is an amazing mix and has a catchy beat. The music that I listen to invokes many powerful emotions within me. I find that since I can not appear to have therapy that is desperately needed at this moment in time its hard to cope with life. I try to listen to music to persuade my mind elsewhere it does not always seem to work. I need to be walking in shackles and cage like an animal at the moment. If only someone had a prison cell available to help me get through this awful emotions. Shackles are comforting to the soul inside and cuffs should be on everyone.
I’m leaving to San Francisco on May 27th form few days to be placed in heavy restraints rivers on and locked in a cell. There also be chain gang type of work but I’ll manage. I can’t sleep correctly without being an inmate or caged animal. I wasn’t meant for freedom and I can feel it runs through me. The problems I have are resolved by being locked up for my own good and those around me. I should never be out of restraints and it hurts me that I’m still freeze. Nothing more better then when a sensory deprivation hood goes on and then all the restraints. Tossed into a dell and add for perfect harmony.
There is so much going on in these last few days I can barely keep up. The odd part I apply for a job at Subway work there for a couple days then asked to work at Church’s Chicken. I feel overwhelmed with whats going on and with all this homework its getting quite old. I need a break from it all and the external stimuli is getting to me. I am so nervous with whats going to happen with these classes this quarter. I only care to pass the classes at this point.