take me to jail and Give Freedom!

I do not fit in with society whatsoever and need my therapy to help my life. I do not understand why it is so hard to take me to jail. People do not grasp the need for confinement and think that medications work for everything. News flash they really fucking don’t work for anything and they are more of a guessing game than true therapy. Then there are the spiritual ones that believe in some fucking GOD who is not in my opinion real at all. I know of no higher being that would want to cause suffering that the world has caused. This is purely a version of hell and I honestly want to leave this hell behind for the rest of my life. I want what freedom really is and that’s only given to those who get to live their lives locked up in luxurious facilities such as jails or prisons. I will never have my dream of having someone who loves me in this dump of a country called the USA. I would love to see this country broken up it’s too big and is one of the worst countries in the world. Healthcare is atrocious and the lack of benefits that are afforded to the disabled is even worse. Over-priced education and the lack of programs available for a disabled person to live self-sufficient and have their own small place to live themselves is just plain evil. I wish I lived in a country that cared about healthcare rights and not trying to drain the $854 I have to survive on every month to go to doctors. Just the basics such as a car payment to get from point A to B is $530 dollars and that’s not including the $120 dollars in insurance for that vehicle alone. Who the hell can survive and afford rent that is easily over $600 just for a room for rent. I do not even know what it’s like to have my own place to myself. It should not be a luxury to have my own place at an income that I can afford. The whole system is set up to fail someone who wants the ability to have their own place. I miss having my own studio apartment at times. I miss having the ability to have reliable public transit and not having to worry about driving a vehicle that sucks money that I do not have without the help of working a part-time job on top of living rent-free. Without that, I would be doomed and could not survive.

To understand what a person goes thru you need to first listen to what that person needs. Do not make assumptions that you think they need this therapy or that therapy.  How many times does someone have to state that they need confinement to feel security and structure? I can tell you my dream of immigrating to Europe is next to impossible but why does a jail cell have to be impossible to have. We give them to so many people that are innocent and they are treated better than people like me who keep a clean record. For what reason should I have to suffer the repercussions and go out and commit a crime to get my needed jail therapy. I have an ethical problem of not wanting to commit the crime to get arrested but I need someone to take me to jail. The freedom to not have to worry about the neverending decisions I must make on a daily basis. The ultimate dream and goal in life is to become the inmate that I must be. I would gladly take anyone place in jail and be locked up for them as I truthfully deserve to be incarcerated. I wish I had every luxurious thing they got from the food to the clothing to the comfortable matress they sleep on. Why was I even put on this planet to be living in this fucking hell? My freedom is taken away from me every single day because the cops and the useless society will not put me behind bars like I should be.

I would be so grateful the moment that an officer would come to detain me and put me in those wonderful handcuffs. The stress would be disappearing fast and the anxiety of not dealing with all this shit while the officer pats me down and get me in the cop car to take me to jail. I would finally have a smile on my face knowing that I can have all the comforts that those people have in jail. I so want to go thru booking and get my glamourous mug shot taken and get processed into the system. I would love to be awaiting my assignment into a cell and handing over my useless personal belongings in exchange for what is offered by the jail. I would be so happy to be given my jail bedroll and those clothes that have been worn by so many wondering inmates before me. I will never have this happiness cause my health matters to no one. My life is not important enough to get the finest luxuries that inmates are getting and to have the confinement I need for safety and security.

 Justice and Therapy Needed to Heal!

There is so much wrong with the society in which I am alive, especially the United Shits of Assholes. Who the fuck would want to be born in a country of people who are so selfish and do not care for the well being of someone else. A majority of Americans just want to see people with disabilities continue to suffer and wish they did not exist. I deserve the ability to have the justice and therapy needed for my situation. The guy who stole $650 bucks wins everything while I have no one to confine me and keep me safe. I wish I was never born then I would not have to worry about the justice and therapy needed every day in this hell called Earth. Every day I am struggling to even want to get out of bed or do basic tasks. I force myself to do things I do not even want to do to try and keep busy but for what reason. I live in so much pain and suffering that it never ends and every time I try to find a therapy option the joke is on me with my insurance company not covering the location that offers it. Want this therapy well it’s going to cost you 1600 bucks if we do cover the location you want to go to that’s not including the gas to travel back and forth daily. It is not relevant or going to happen that I can afford that and traveling 80 miles back and forth 5 days a week that kind of distance and fight with traffic.

There are other things that help my depression but the longer I remain stuck in the USA the longer my health will deteriorate to a point that I will constantly feel sick like I do every day. People can not understand severe depression until they are in the situation that I am in. The ignorance of people that think that what works for them works for others in which it does not. Imagine telling people what your needs are which are so fucking simple but they never do it. People just make fun of me and say I need to pray to a fictional GOD who some person made up to just control people. Then there are. the stupid people who make the comments that I need to love myself before others. Really that’s self-centered behavior which is what I am trying to get away from. Why does society think they always know what is best for someone. Medications do not work on the kind of depression that I have and the happiness I need comes from the ability to have freedom. The freedom to be locked up is the justice and therapy needed to have the healing and support to survive.

Most people would find that jail or a prison cell would not be therapy and would be the wrong environment for me. The problem is you not in my situation and has not been shaped to that need. The childhood I have gone thru being treated like a prisoner is what I know and that having all these decisions is making life harder. How is worrying about everything and all the decisions you have to make considered freedom. I find that I thrive better when I am restrained and secure in life. The fewer decisions I have to make the better on my mind. I can not find safety and security in the outside world and how would I being locked up in a jail hurt you. In fact, how is me being happy harming anyone I am disabled and have hardly any money to even have a great lifestyle. I can not afford even my own place especially on 850 dollars a month. I can barely afford a car payment and insurance let alone the credit card and internet and phone bill. I have to work a part-time job to cover the deficit and thanks to COVID I have to suffer every time I choose to work a shift now that my state has a dictator with enforced mask mandates.

Imagine having to remind yourself of the trauma of being almost choked to death with a cloth. I barely can even wear my muzzle in this pic and that has a breather hole in this one. The ability to not get the anxiety attacks and start panicking with a useless mask would make going to work easier. I am working the bare minimum that I have to and may just not even bother working at all and just stick with unemployment as my accommodations can not be made. I do not have the ability to work from home and with my compromised health I should not be working in a grocery store environment and the warehouse job I had wearing a mask just is not feasible when your moving heavy packages around. The pandemic is taking its toll dramatically and all I want to do is to be able to have a break from this shit. Let’s see how long my dictator governor will allow the ability to sit indoors in a restaurant or a coffee shop. I have no friends that care to spend time with me here and my medical health just is not going to get better. I want my jail cell so fucking badly and I think that the justice and therapy needed should be available to people like me. I can not change my opinion that this is not what I need until the reality of the situation happens and who knows maybe that is truly where my purpose in life is meant to be.

I can not find anyone in the gay bondage community to restrain me and keep me secure. The people in this state have so many attitudes that really need to burn to the ground. I hate passive-aggressive people as they fucking just do not get how much it’s unattractive. All the friends that I met physically only exist in foreign countries. I need what the inmates in the local jail have the comforts they get. The structure and the restraints the lack of all the decisions the ability to be free and be locked up and not have to worry about what to eat or where to go. I rather have a guard tell me what to do than have the decisions myself. I would do better in this environment would not have to feel the loneliness I feel.