I wish that life would get much better but the brutal reality is suicide is the only option it seems to improve my quality of life. Society as a whole would be better without me and that hurts so much because I have begged for life saving help. I can not get locked up in prison because society is to much of a fucking pussy to make it happen. Why should a disable person with PTSD not be able to get the life saving help that inmates have every single day. I do not want to wake up to another day without a way to be confined. Inmates are safe and secure given every ounce of structure that I need to thrive.
I wish someone would bound me up and restrain me as this also could help with the needs I have right now. Confinement and bondage allow my brain to reset and remain more in the moment and not have to think about everything. I wish could be secured and stored away as an object, gimp, with no more rights to freedom ever again. Is there anyone real in this world to make it happen? I am ready for a no rights no limits situation. I really would love to be beaten up right now and used hard for the rest of my life. I want to disappear and never have to think about the outside ever again. I want to be taken right now since I never will amount to anything else in life. There are no jobs available for me in Finland and I should just belong to the prison system or someone else.
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