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Tears of pain run down my face and I am constantly having panic attacks to the point it feels like im dead. I can not stand this suffering anymore and all I want is a lifetime behind bars and to enjoy the happiness that comes along with it. I can not afford the therapy that I need and I have been begging for this for a long time. If there anyone out there that can help me get this for a lifetime or has a cell please out there help. I am going to need more then a few days in a cell in Germany. I can not handle the constant rejection of me as a person. No one understands me and everyday my emotions are played with by the general community. Imagine waking up feeling unsafe because you can not be locked down. Why make fun of someone who needs something so simple. I never hurt anyone and feel so trapped and pushed aside all because I live with HIV, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and other ailments. My body is so worn out that it can not even function in a basic sense.
I wake up everyday and sometimes can not even get out of bed. I can not even function at work or finish my schoolwork as well as I should because my ADHD is just off the charts. I suffer from the inability to make friends to establish healthy relationships. I go back to the first time I was locked in a cell and the feelings of happiness I get from that simplicity. I wish someone would lock me in solitary confinement and throw the key away and leave me to die in peace.