Justice and Therapy Needed to Heal!
There is so much wrong with the society in which I am alive, especially the United Shits of Assholes. Who the fuck would want to be born in a country of people who are so selfish and do not care for the well being of someone else. A majority of Americans just want to see people with disabilities continue to suffer and wish they did not exist. I deserve the ability to have the justice and therapy needed for my situation. The guy who stole $650 bucks wins everything while I have no one to confine me and keep me safe. I wish I was never born then I would not have to worry about the justice and therapy needed every day in this hell called Earth. Every day I am struggling to even want to get out of bed or do basic tasks. I force myself to do things I do not even want to do to try and keep busy but for what reason. I live in so much pain and suffering that it never ends and every time I try to find a therapy option the joke is on me with my insurance company not covering the location that offers it. Want this therapy well it’s going to cost you 1600 bucks if we do cover the location you want to go to that’s not including the gas to travel back and forth daily. It is not relevant or going to happen that I can afford that and traveling 80 miles back and forth 5 days a week that kind of distance and fight with traffic.
There are other things that help my depression but the longer I remain stuck in the USA the longer my health will deteriorate to a point that I will constantly feel sick like I do every day. People can not understand severe depression until they are in the situation that I am in. The ignorance of people that think that what works for them works for others in which it does not. Imagine telling people what your needs are which are so fucking simple but they never do it. People just make fun of me and say I need to pray to a fictional GOD who some person made up to just control people. Then there are. the stupid people who make the comments that I need to love myself before others. Really that’s self-centered behavior which is what I am trying to get away from. Why does society think they always know what is best for someone. Medications do not work on the kind of depression that I have and the happiness I need comes from the ability to have freedom. The freedom to be locked up is the justice and therapy needed to have the healing and support to survive.
Most people would find that jail or a prison cell would not be therapy and would be the wrong environment for me. The problem is you not in my situation and has not been shaped to that need. The childhood I have gone thru being treated like a prisoner is what I know and that having all these decisions is making life harder. How is worrying about everything and all the decisions you have to make considered freedom. I find that I thrive better when I am restrained and secure in life. The fewer decisions I have to make the better on my mind. I can not find safety and security in the outside world and how would I being locked up in a jail hurt you. In fact, how is me being happy harming anyone I am disabled and have hardly any money to even have a great lifestyle. I can not afford even my own place especially on 850 dollars a month. I can barely afford a car payment and insurance let alone the credit card and internet and phone bill. I have to work a part-time job to cover the deficit and thanks to COVID I have to suffer every time I choose to work a shift now that my state has a dictator with enforced mask mandates.
Imagine having to remind yourself of the trauma of being almost choked to death with a cloth. I barely can even wear my muzzle in this pic and that has a breather hole in this one. The ability to not get the anxiety attacks and start panicking with a useless mask would make going to work easier. I am working the bare minimum that I have to and may just not even bother working at all and just stick with unemployment as my accommodations can not be made. I do not have the ability to work from home and with my compromised health I should not be working in a grocery store environment and the warehouse job I had wearing a mask just is not feasible when your moving heavy packages around. The pandemic is taking its toll dramatically and all I want to do is to be able to have a break from this shit. Let’s see how long my dictator governor will allow the ability to sit indoors in a restaurant or a coffee shop. I have no friends that care to spend time with me here and my medical health just is not going to get better. I want my jail cell so fucking badly and I think that the justice and therapy needed should be available to people like me. I can not change my opinion that this is not what I need until the reality of the situation happens and who knows maybe that is truly where my purpose in life is meant to be.
I can not find anyone in the gay bondage community to restrain me and keep me secure. The people in this state have so many attitudes that really need to burn to the ground. I hate passive-aggressive people as they fucking just do not get how much it’s unattractive. All the friends that I met physically only exist in foreign countries. I need what the inmates in the local jail have the comforts they get. The structure and the restraints the lack of all the decisions the ability to be free and be locked up and not have to worry about what to eat or where to go. I rather have a guard tell me what to do than have the decisions myself. I would do better in this environment would not have to feel the loneliness I feel.